Why I'm Going to Hell or At Least The Crappy Part of Heaven

I don't like the Bible on Tape. Or CD. Really don't like it.

But we own a copy. My wife surprised me by buying a copy while I was out of town, and we had never had the "Bible on Tape" discussion. Apparently that is an important discussion to have when one of you doesn't like it and the other person calls you excited about the new purchase.

So before you grab the tar and feathers, or decide not to come to Bible Study on the nights I lead it, let me explain something to you; I know that I'm possibly in the wrong. And I know the arguments for having the Bible in easily accessible format.

#1 - Blind people. Blind people gotta get the scripture too, and lets be honest, braille looks like some kind of torture device for OCD people.

#2 - High quality. The copy we got is chock full of famous-type people playing all kinds of disciples, followers, apostles, Pharisees etc. I'm pretty sure James Earl Jones plays Herod. And it's got sound effects. When Mary and Joseph enter the inn, there's a door creak. And there's background music, crowd noise, and reverb on the angels' voice. This isn't some dude in a garage, or something some guy put together.

#3 - People don't read the Bible. But they do listen to books on tape. Like truckers, people doing laundry or painting houses. So putting a Bible on tape might reach people who otherwise might not be exposed to the Bible.

#3 part 2 - the Bible is boring. I don't think so, but let's be honest, this should be on the list. Can't you imagine someone out there thinking, "This book is good, but really, it needs some pizzazz. I know! Let's add mood music and sound effects and get really famous people to read parts like it's a play!"

If you can think of more reasons as to why the Bible is good, make a comment. I'm interested.

I'm generally a laid back kind of guy; I don't mind The Message or The Manga Bible or The Anime Bible (Ok, that's not true, I hate the Anime Bible, but only from an artistic standpoint. Seriously, I've thrown up better art). I believe that you should use anything, anything at all to reach your audience. If you know some manga emo kids who would never step foot in a church, and the art in the Manga Bible isn't awful, then give it to them, let them read it. As long as it is says "Jesus is God, He died for our sins, you need to accept Him as Lord and Savior" I'm pretty much easy.

One of the reasons I don't like it is because I think maybe people who own it are Super-Christians who look down on me without thinking they look down on me. "What are you listening to Josh? Dave Matthews Band? Oh, well, I'M listening to the Gospel of John, then I'm going to skip to some Pauline Letters. Hit that up on the way home from work. I just love the Bible so much I have to have it going 25/8. I say 25/8 because when I'm in the Word, God gives me more time to spend with Him, like when Moses raised his arms so the Israelites could defeat their enemies at Gibeon."

Another reason I don't like it is because of Matthew. It is a horrible way to start a book on tape. If you're going to go all adding stuff, then really, start with Mark or something. I think most people skip Matthew 1 anyways, so starting a new book with that is like getting a phone book to the face.

I dunno. Maybe I'm a hypocrite. Maybe I'm a bad Christian. Maybe I'm scared that if I have the Bible on tape, and easily available, I'll listen to it. And if I listen to it, it will change me, make me give up control. I mean, if the Bibles on the shelf, it's all the way over there, and I just sat down. But if it's on my iPod it's a little harder to ignore.