Why I'm Going to Hell or At Least The Crappy Part of Heaven

I don't like the Bible on Tape. Or CD. Really don't like it.

But we own a copy. My wife surprised me by buying a copy while I was out of town, and we had never had the "Bible on Tape" discussion. Apparently that is an important discussion to have when one of you doesn't like it and the other person calls you excited about the new purchase.

So before you grab the tar and feathers, or decide not to come to Bible Study on the nights I lead it, let me explain something to you; I know that I'm possibly in the wrong. And I know the arguments for having the Bible in easily accessible format.

#1 - Blind people. Blind people gotta get the scripture too, and lets be honest, braille looks like some kind of torture device for OCD people.

#2 - High quality. The copy we got is chock full of famous-type people playing all kinds of disciples, followers, apostles, Pharisees etc. I'm pretty sure James Earl Jones plays Herod. And it's got sound effects. When Mary and Joseph enter the inn, there's a door creak. And there's background music, crowd noise, and reverb on the angels' voice. This isn't some dude in a garage, or something some guy put together.

#3 - People don't read the Bible. But they do listen to books on tape. Like truckers, people doing laundry or painting houses. So putting a Bible on tape might reach people who otherwise might not be exposed to the Bible.

#3 part 2 - the Bible is boring. I don't think so, but let's be honest, this should be on the list. Can't you imagine someone out there thinking, "This book is good, but really, it needs some pizzazz. I know! Let's add mood music and sound effects and get really famous people to read parts like it's a play!"

If you can think of more reasons as to why the Bible is good, make a comment. I'm interested.

I'm generally a laid back kind of guy; I don't mind The Message or The Manga Bible or The Anime Bible (Ok, that's not true, I hate the Anime Bible, but only from an artistic standpoint. Seriously, I've thrown up better art). I believe that you should use anything, anything at all to reach your audience. If you know some manga emo kids who would never step foot in a church, and the art in the Manga Bible isn't awful, then give it to them, let them read it. As long as it is says "Jesus is God, He died for our sins, you need to accept Him as Lord and Savior" I'm pretty much easy.

One of the reasons I don't like it is because I think maybe people who own it are Super-Christians who look down on me without thinking they look down on me. "What are you listening to Josh? Dave Matthews Band? Oh, well, I'M listening to the Gospel of John, then I'm going to skip to some Pauline Letters. Hit that up on the way home from work. I just love the Bible so much I have to have it going 25/8. I say 25/8 because when I'm in the Word, God gives me more time to spend with Him, like when Moses raised his arms so the Israelites could defeat their enemies at Gibeon."

Another reason I don't like it is because of Matthew. It is a horrible way to start a book on tape. If you're going to go all adding stuff, then really, start with Mark or something. I think most people skip Matthew 1 anyways, so starting a new book with that is like getting a phone book to the face.

I dunno. Maybe I'm a hypocrite. Maybe I'm a bad Christian. Maybe I'm scared that if I have the Bible on tape, and easily available, I'll listen to it. And if I listen to it, it will change me, make me give up control. I mean, if the Bibles on the shelf, it's all the way over there, and I just sat down. But if it's on my iPod it's a little harder to ignore.

I'm a Little Creeped Out or Pulling Teeth

My wife informed me today that three days have passed since my last post, and that I needed to update. The only problem is that nothing interesting has happened. I've just been at home. So, it's really hard to write something when nothing has happened. Well, that's not true. A little piece of me died today.

I love cartoons. For those who know me, this should come as no surprise. Looney Toons especially have held a special place in my heart. Recently, TCM ran a bunch of classic Warner Brothers cartoons that won awards and stuff and talked to Chuck Jones. One of those cartoons was a PePe Le Pew cartoon. I used to love that guy. Always chasing women, bouncing around, talking all french. But today I noticed something. PePe Le Pew is insane. He sees a girl animal, who often times isn't Anthropomorphic like he is, and will relentlessly pursue her despite her continued resistance. He will literally chase them down, and force them to hide, then pull them out and profess his love by smothering them with kisses. That's a big cup of creepy-time tea. No means No PePe. No means no.

I don't think you could do a cartoon like this anymore. Much like Speedy Gonzalez has been shut in the closet next to Disney's 'Song of the South', PePe Le Pew needs to locked away. Or at least, revamped. Give the poor little girl cat a stun gun or some pepper spray. Seriously. "Where are you my little pigeon? I am come for you? Ah! There you are. What is zis? (TAZER)." I think it would be an empowering message for the ladies and funny. Everyone loves a good tazering.

The Final Dance or Identity Theft 101

On our last day today, we had one final area of apartments to cover/canvas with our door hangers. So we loaded up, and headed out. As we were en route, it started raining. Good thing I remembered to pack my umbrella. Oops, I left that back at the hotel. Oh well, good thing I brought my waterproof leather boots. Oops, I left those back at the hotel. Oh well, good thing I'm wearing a tshirt, tennis shoes and it's raining and cold. Wait...........

But we got them all passed out, and it only took like, 2.5 hours. So we loaded up and went to lunch. On the way to lunch, it stopped raining. Oh joy. Thanks God, for your comedic timing. I had Yan Can for lunch (owned/operated by Martin Yan of Yan Can Cook fame; I checked, he wasn't there today) and I ate the spicy red pepper because I was cold and wet and thought it would warm me up. Turns out, it is possible for you to be cold, slimy and wet on the outside and your insides to turn to napalm. Needless to say, I was Miserable squared.

After a quick nap and trip to the little boys room (notice the strategic placement of the word 'quick') we were good to go. This time, we were stuffing letters and filling out notes to first and second time visitors. I wrote postcards to the first time visitors to Bay Kids- the children's ministry, and signed them all Andy Wood- South Bay Church, which I thought was odd. I hope he never actually sends them a letter. Not that I expect infants and toddlers to note the difference in signatures, but it is better to be safe than sorry.

After we did the letter thing, we finished stuffing the Easter Eggs, which was the end of our trip except for dinner. Final Rundown:10,000 eggs stuffed, 6,000 door hangers hung, 250 second-time thank you notes written, 100 first-time thank you notes written, 4 filing cabinets and 6 office chairs moved, 1 Sunday morning setup, and 7 prayer walks walked. Additional but no less significant counts are: 1 head busted, 1 back hurting.

All told, they were really, really grateful. Andy Wood- the head pastor said, if it hadn't been for us, they wouldn't have been able to get 1/8th of everything they needed to get done, between the mailers, the fliers, the Easter Eggs and getting ready for the two services that they have this weekend. We are eagerly awaiting their report, as we expect God to great and mighty things in and through these 3 families that uprooted their lives and have come here to serve God in this community.

I didn't make fun of Rob at all this post, I wanted you all to notice that.

The Middle or Really, I'm Not Gay

Today was long. Very long. Over 20,000 steps long. That my friend, is a lot of steps. I know how many steps I took because my phone counts them. Don't ask me how, because I don't know, but it is awesome. And Magic. But lots of walking. The three guys who came out here to start the church prayerwalk the community 6 days a week. 6 days a week, they are out in the community, prayer walking. Praying God's will and power over these people, these houses, this community. They are wholly devoted to what God has called them to, and it drives them.

So today, we walked with them. We joined them in canvasing the area in prayer, and as we started, I really felt what they are up against. The spiritual oppression that these people live under and in was almost tangible. The enormity of it was almost overwhelming; that from where I stood, most of the houses and apartments that I could see were inhabited by people who don't know the Lord, and would spend eternity apart from Him. The workers are few. So very few.

So we prayed as we walked, for lives to be changed, hearts and minds to be touched. That God would be glorified. We passed out almost 4500 door hangers, and they mailed out 90,000 mailers advertising the Easter Egg hunt and the Easter Service. Statistical, the rate of return for mailers and door hangers is around 1%. But so far, the rate of return for their mailers and door hangers has been much, much greater than that, and we can thank God for that. That in the face of spiritual oppression, that there are those who are willing to sacrifice it all to follow God's leading, and that there are those who are willing to come alongside them, and support them with their gifts and services.

While we were passing out the door hangers at the trailer parks (the cost to rent one rivaled our mortgage payment) Rob was approached by two ladies asking what we are doing. He told them, and they said 'Oh' and complimented him on his bracelet. Rob for some reason thought that they thought that he was gay. So he told them that it really is a tool for sharing the gospel, but didn't really go into it. They were a little disappointed.

I probably shouldn't tell all these stories about him, but really, I'm not at all interesting.

Oh, I did make some comment about being nimble and quick, jump out of the car to close the back glass, and then slam my head against the car roof getting back in. Now I have this huge scrape on the top of my head. So, apparently, I'm just quick.

Chapter the Second: In Which our Heroes Go to the City

We had to be at the church this morning at 7am to start setting up for the 1030 service. Yeah, tons of fun. They setup from scratch and break down every single Sunday. This is what the gym looks like before they start. And this is what it looks like after it is done. They have a pretty slick setup, and they are crazy professional for only been holding services for 2 months. Most of the people who come to church are visitors, and the majority of them aren't Christians. Some of the people who serve in the church aren't even Christians, they just want to be part of the church. Pretty crazy. So we did a lot of manual labor setting everything up and breaking everything down.

Then we filled eggs with candy. A lot of eggs. We ran out of candy and ran to the SafeWay nearby and bought ALL their candy, and STILL didn't have enough candy. We are going to finish putting them together tomorrow I think, or something. They need to be done by Saturday. One thing I do know, is that if I could, I would love to live in San Fransisco. Look at this place! It was a gorgeouss day, and we saw break dancers. I totally was going to show them up, but Rob talked me out of it. Apparently, Jesus doesn't like show offs who are all frontin' and up in your grill. (Yes, that man is doing a backflip over two dude's arms.)

Tomorrow we are going on a prayer walk around 830, and then we are going to re-walk that same walk, but this time pass out doorhangers. I'm pretty sure that it isn't the most productive way to do that, but I'm not in charge. If I were in charge, we would do it dressed as Ninjas. Because, well, let's be honest, Ninjas are awesome. And Jesus is awesome. So... if A=B and B=C then.....

I think it is safe to say that I'll never be in charge of a mission trip.

Rob's Pleasure Journey vs. My Selfdeprecation

My day started with a trip to San Antonio, then to San Diego, then to San Jose. Then a quick car ride down the highway to Santa Clara. So many saints... I can't tell if this trip is blessed or ironic. Here's me waiting... how I spent the most of the day.

The run down: South Bay church is located at the south of the bay, obviously. It is in Silicon Valley, about an hour outside of San Fransisco proper. The Bay Area (area around the bay) has over 7 million people, with approximately 96% of that being unchurched. The South Bay area has around 2.5 million, with 95% unchurched. The other 5% are classified as: "Evangelical, Catholic, Mormon and Jehovah's Witness". Awesome. In the area around the school where the church meets, there are around 5,000 people in apartments. Within a 1 mile radius - 15,000 people; 3 mile radius - 77,000 people; 5 mile radius - 350,000; 7 mile radius - 784,000. 60% of the population is under 35 years old, 75% is under 44 years old. The last 5 or so church plants here that were affiliated with the Southern Baptist convention have failed after a few months, for various reasons.

For many people, this is the cultural hub of our generation. Facebook, Ebay, Google, Cisco Systems, and Sun Microsystems all have their headquarters here. So does Canon and some other giant corporations. This is a huge technological hub, and it plays a big role in forming our culture, and for the most part, it is unreached by the message of hope that is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

So, here we are. Willing hands and feet, hoping to do our part to spread the news about a church that is passionate and loving, that is in the midst of this community, bringing hope and love to a community that by and large, hasn't heard about hope and love. The opportunity for cultural influence and change that South Bay church has here is enormous, and Andy, Filipe and Archie are all burdened with the desire to see God glorified and change brought to the hearts and minds of this community. It is with expectant hearts and eager hands that we join with them in their ministry for this week. May the Lord bless the work of our hands, and your sacrifices.

Ok, serious stuff is out of the way, on to the goofy. This is a classy neighborhood people. Classy with a C, not a K. Imagine Firewheel Mall, but with million dollar homes and a school by it. Here's some pictures: The school and the field are near the shopping center/hotel area, which is on the corner of the whole neighborhood area. Imagine Firewheel Mall, but with all the area around it with the nicest looking homes you've ever seen. Apparently, the median income for the area is over $100k. So, it is important to understand that our hotel, in this area, is really nice. It has a HD tv in the room. And a pool/spa/hot tub. So... we are really roughing it. Really. I told Rob, "It isn't a mission trip unless you have a chance of catching malaria." Rob said, "I didn't bring you on a mission trip, I brought you on a Pleasure Journey." Which, in addition to being an unfortunate turn of phrase, has also become our theme.

Our plans for tomorrow include setting up and breaking down the church in the school, and then taking the rest of the afternoon off to sight see and relax (this usually happens at the end of the trip, but for us, it is at the beginning. See above under: Pleasure Journey). Monday and Tuesday we are stuffing Easter eggs (they had 2,500 people at the Easter Egg hunt last year), passing out 6000+ door hangers, and making gift baskets for the teachers at the school. Rob and I were talking, and it seems like we aren't 'doing' a whole lot on this trip, at least, nothing that seems like it justifies the expense of sending us here, especially for me, since it wasn't my money. I hope that I'm just being dumb, and not seeing the big picture, and I pray that the Lord blesses the staff of South Bay and the people of this community by your gifts and our service. I've never been in a position before where my opportunity to serve God has been the direct result of fellow believer's gifts. Thank you, and I hope its worth it.