Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Haters gonna hate

I am not sure if you noticed this, but the Christians for a Moral America have announced that they are sponsoring a boycott of the movie, The Hobbit. Normally, I would link to Christians for a Moral America's website, but I can't. Not in good conscience. Perusing their site is like walking into a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Here is their press release. I promise that I'm not making this up or editing it in anyway:

"Invading your local cinema next winter is a new work of evil The Hobbit. The Hobbit follows on from the Lord Of The Rings trilogy and seemingly has brought everyone back to "Middle Earth" from the dead. Peter Jackson has once again stepped up as Satan's Little Helper to direct the two-part film and is once again using witchcraft and wizardry to peddle the film, even though the books had strong Christian undertones (good vs evil; Christians vs Atheists) but Jackson being the self-proclaimed Atheist he is obviously doesn't want to present this movie in the way it was meant by Tolkien. Let's vote with our wallets and send a big message to Hollywood and Jackson; Christians will NOT tolerate this blatant Anti-Christian bigotry and Atheist propaganda. Our children's minds are filled with enough poison these days from the media without us as parents actively doing the same while filling liberal fat cats' coffers."

When I first read this, I experienced a variety of emotions virtually simultaneously. Heartbreak, shock, anger, more shock, anger again, and then shame. I take issue with almost their entire statement, both as a Christian and as a geek. Let's break it down scatalogically*:

1. "The Hobbit follows on from the Lord of the Rings trilogy..." False. The Hobbit was written first. There are many ways you can tell. Like, the copyright. 1937 (The Hobbit) versus 1954 (The Lord of the Rings). You just have to peek open the covers and 'Hullo!' This one was written first!

Also you could read it and get contextual clues. Clues like, the description of Bilbo being "about fifty years old" on page 11 of The Hobbit and this excerpt from Lord of the Rings;"When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday..."

"About 50 years", and Eleventy-one (111). He's more than twice as old in The Lord of the Rings than he was in The Hobbit. But that's a minor point. I'm sure they didn't pick that up on their read through. Except...well... That's the first sentence in Lord of the Rings. The. first. sentence. So, even if you didn't think to look at the copyright, or even a quick look on Wikipedia; you could logically make the argument that one story (Lord of the Rings) follows the other (The Hobbit) just by reading a grand total of 11 pages and 1 sentence. If you listen closely, you can hear the sound my palm made as it slapped my forehead in consternation.

And I'm not even going to go into how Bilbo GETS the Ring in The Hobbit and ALL READYhas the Ring in Lord of the Rings. I won't. Because if I do, I think I'll have an aneurysm and die.

2. ..."and has seemingly brought everyone back to 'Middle Earth' from the dead." Let's assume that they are talking about main characters, and that (shudder) The Hobbit was written later. Who died that they brought back? Gandalf didn't die. (Well, he did kinda, but he has all ready come back and I'm pretty sure that isn't their point.) Bilbo didn't die, neither did Meriadoc, Peregrin, Frodo, Samwise, Gimli, Legolas, Aragorn, Faramir, Arwen, or Elrond... The only people who died in Lord of the Rings, weren't in the Hobbit. The ones who died in The Hobbit weren't in Lord of the Rings (since they were dead). The only people who were in both, lived through both (except Gandalf, sorta).

3. "..is once again using witchcraft and wizardry to peddle the film, even though the books had strong Christian undertones (good vs evil; Christians vs Atheists)" Wow. Just...wow. Let's break this down into two parts:

Part the first: Gandalf was a wizard. He did magic. More magic in The Hobbit than he did in Lord of the Rings. Like when they were surrounded by wargs in the trees and hit lit pine cones on fire. Also, there were magic swords (they glowed) and magic rings (turned you invisible). So...that part is dumb. One of the main characters is a wizard. There are in fact, lots of wizards and magic-y stuff. You can not, in any intelligent way, say that Peter Jackson is arbitrarily putting wizards and magic into The Hobbit, because it was and is a core aspect to Middle Earth. No one was shocked when Gandalf told them he was a wizard and could do magic. It was accepted. All the Hobbits, the most boring people in the world, knew he could do magic. And they didn't care as long as he made cool fireworks and didn't cause any trouble.

Part the second: the book did have a strong theme of good vs. evil. I'll give them half a point. But Christian undertones? Christians vs Atheists? J.R.R. Tolkien was a devout Catholic, whose faith had a profound influence on C.S. Lewis, but he himself said "It is not 'about' anything but itself. Certainly it has no allegorical intentions, general, particular, or topical, moral, religious, or political. It is a monotheistic world of 'natural theology'. I am in any case myself a Christian; but the 'Third Age' was not a Christian world." (From Letters of J.R.R. Tokien #165) So Frodo, Bilbo, Samwise and Gandalf were not Christians; Sauron wasn't an atheist and Saruman wasn't an apostate. I'm sorry if that's harsh.

He did say "The Lord of the Rings is of course a fundamentally religious and Catholic work; unconsciously so at first, but consciously in the revision. That is why I have not put in, or have cut out, practically all references to anything like 'religion', to cults or practices, in theimaginary world. For the religious element is absorbed into the story and the symbolism. For as a matter of fact, I have consciously planned very little; and should chiefly be grateful for having been brought up (since I was eight) in a Faith that has nourished me and taught me all the little that I know."(Letters, 142)

But that was Lord of the Rings, not The Hobbit. So, he was very Christian, and that influenced his works but it was not his goal to write "Christian" books. His story was what was important and contained the religious elements. So if the story and symbolism are present in the movie, then the religious element will also be present. If it isn't, then it won't be The Hobbit and it will fail because nerds and geeks hate things that mess with canon (google 'Han shot first' if you don't believe me).

These people obviously have never read The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings. If they did, it was a long time ago. A long long time ago. And they didn't read it very well. Their statement is embarrassing. They didn't bother to fact check anything regarding plot, when the books were published, or authorial intent. Instead of sounding like reasonable people with reasonable objections, they come off as unintelligent hate-mongers. Which saddens me. Both as a Christian and as geek. I'm shamed as a Christian because this is how people (especially geeks who aren't Christ followers) see Christians. As uninformed haters. People who are quick to hate without first finding out what exactly they are hating. As a geek I'm angry because... well; these people are uninformed haters who hate without first finding out what they are hating.

I understand being concerned that the director/movie studio isn't going to be faithful to the source material. I mean, come on. I live constant fear of George Lucas. Have you seen thistrailer? My eyes! Also, I own Ang Lee's Hulk. But if Peter Jackson wasn't faithful to the source material do you think Lord of the Rings would have done as well (critically and financially) as it did? No. Do you think they would make The Hobbit and people (like me) would be this excited about it? No. There would be an internet fire-storm calling for his head. He might be an atheist, but he was true to the source material for Lord of the Rings. And I trust that he'll be true to The Hobbit as well. Because if he isn't, then it won't do very well. Geeks and nerds won't stand for it.

So, here's what I think what happened: A 'christian' organization heard about the movie coming out in December 2012 and they decided to use it as an opportunity to get some attention by boycotting something millions of people love. Well, they did get attention. The problem is, it is negative. And don't tell me 'there's no such thing as bad press'. Because there is. Especially when you are making yourself (and other's who associate with the term Christian) seem like uninformed haters. Because that's what you are. Uninformed. And Haters.

Anyone who knows anything about The Hobbit and reads your press release knows that you have no idea what you are talking about. Your credibility is shot and your call for unity rings hollow. Even if you had a point, no one is going to listen to it because you come off as being stupid. As an example I give you Vermin Supreme who is running for President. If you look and sound stupid, no one will care if you have a valid point somewhere in your inane ramblings.

Christians for a Moral America, you make me sad. Sad that you are so full of hate. Sad that when geeks think of Christians, they will think of you poo-pooing one of the greatest triumphs Christianity has had in the literary world. A true cultural phenomenon. All because your goal was to hate, threaten and bully. Not to inform. Not to attempt to use a common touchstone to influence other's toward Christ, but to foster ignorance and hate. Because the truth is, the only people who will read that and agree with you are those who haven't read Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit and are just as quick to hate. And people like that, give people like me a bad name.

For all you who don't associate yourself with Jesus, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for them. Christians aren't all haters. Please remember that stupid people are stupid no matter what they believe. I'll see you in line, December 2012.

I know what I said